Further to our previous article about divorce or conscious uncoupling, we have some practical advice for navigating this difficult process. So let’s dive right into it.
Please note that the below advice is not meant to replace your medical experts, psychologists, and psychiatrists, it’s simply an extra tool to use that will assist your journey of recovery and healing. It’s important to seek professional help and guidance during this difficult time.
Self-care techniques to help you grow:
I reiterate that these techniques can be used whether you are pre- or post-divorce. Focusing on changing and growing yourself will yield a different result. It will assist you in developing confidence, self-esteem, and coping with the various situations that will arise during your journey through life.
1. Trauma Release Exercises and EMI Eye Movement Integration:
TRE tension, trauma and anxiety release, and EMI eye movement integration after the event are very important to do as a therapy to release the trauma of divorce from the limbic brain and help the central nervous system stabilise into “safe and secure” mode and minimise PTSD type symptoms such as depression, anxiety, insomnia, irritability, moodiness, and a lack of joy and purpose.
I suggest you do at least 3–4 sessions with a TRE therapist before endeavouring to do it yourself.
There could be trauma releasing from your body that may require counselling from a qualified professional, so it’s safer to start this with a therapist who is qualified.
2. Mindfulness and Breath Work:
Qualified counsellor Jim Cress says that “mental health is a commitment to reality at all costs.”
We waste a tremendous amount of time living in the past or the future, but if we commit to living in the present, we can break the cycle of grief or a trauma trigger much faster.
Debi gave me the advice that it’s important to feel the emotion as it comes up, sit with it, realise where it’s coming from, and through guided breathwork, we can help release those uncomfortable emotions such as depression and anxiety, fear, anger, regret, shame, guilt, ruminating thoughts, etc.
All these types of “lower vibration” emotions are the opposite of God’s “high vibrational” unconditional love, pure forgiveness, and non-judgement.
These negative emotions are always the result of negative thoughts such as fear, not feeling worthy or that you deserve or are enough as you are or being taken care of in every way. Here’s where your unwavering faith comes in.
We must override the negative thoughts to create new neuropathways that override the old way of thinking, which will change the negative chemistry and pathways in the brain that these negative thoughts and emotions have caused. For every negative, fearful thought, look around to see what is going well for you. The chemistry of gratitude and faith is far stronger than that of fear.
People struggle with this when they are in fight or flight, sympathetic or beta brainwaves, freeze, procrastination, or fawn mode. That is why it is critical to decompress the sympathetic central nervous system and teach it to self-regulate, break out of disassociation mode, and then make cognitive sense of it all.
By shifting from a pain or victim mentality to one of healing and victory or abundance of blessings, your life will begin to stabilise.
After completing the steps listed above, you will have access to your higher self, holy spirit, intuition, and air traffic control to determine your life’s purpose and calling.
3. Meditation
To regain balance, listen to your inner voice. Otherwise, you may be in a state of freeze, numbness, or procrastination, causing your body to super push adrenaline or cortisol, which can lead to burnout, immune system crashes, and dreaded weight gain or stubborn belly fat.
Changing thought patterns with meditation:
When the body feels safe, it releases happy chemistry that has a rejuvenating effect on the body.
When the body feels insecure, threatened, or unsafe, it releases negative chemistry that affects the body.
Thoughts lead to emotions, which can result in physical pain. To relieve physical pain or negative emotions, you must shift your thinking patterns. This transforms brain chemistry, allowing the body and mind to feel safe again.
Your thoughts are the software (brain) that powers your hardware (body).
“If you believe you are right, you are right. If you believe you are wrong, you are also right.” – Anonymous
We offer powerful mantras to reprogram your subconscious mind and change your emotions, body, and reality within 21–90 days. Place them anywhere in your home, car, or workplace. Ask us directly, and we will share them with you.
4. Oxygen Therapy
When you are agitated or anxious, you are virtually always in hyperventilation mode and take shallow breaths. Modern technology and sedentary lives can lead to oxygen deficiency and malfunctioning cells, resulting in poor absorption of nutrients and fluids and inadequate toxin elimination.
Did you know you have an entirely new body every 7 years? What you put in your body today will determine who you are tomorrow. Oxygen treatment is a terrific way to revitalise your cells and eliminate toxins. We use the world’s greatest ozone sauna capsule to do this at Chi Chi’s.
5. Join a Recovery Support Group
You must take accountability for your role in the relationship’s breakdown or dissolution if you want to live in freedom. This is where you begin to grow and evolve into the best version of yourself. Having support definitely helps this process because you know you’re not alone, and you have people who can hold you up in those very dark moments, because no matter what, walking away from a relationship hurts, and there will be times when you feel like you can barely survive.
I joined a group for women who were dealing with similar struggles with their husbands as I was. For some, it may be Al Anon; for others, it may be a codependent or sex addicts group, but they all share a common goal: they work on the 12 steps and focus on transforming themselves and being accountable to others about their own bad habits and behaviours. When you shift your focus away from your spouse or coparent and begin working on being a better version of yourself, things begin to change. You witness distinct results and feel a freedom that cannot be explained.
6. Start Moving
The final piece of advice I received from a divorced man was that he regretted not starting physical activity sooner. Healing, in my experience, falls into three major categories that are inseparably connected. You must heal your spirit and soul, but a healthy body and gut are also required to complete the healing process.
Join a dance group or do whatever in-person exercise you are capable of. This will allow you to express your feelings in a secure setting, making you feel more energetic and positive about yourself.
Final Thoughts
You can do all of the above, regardless of how much you have procrastinated in the past. If you’re tired of survival mode, impostor syndrome, and failing relationships all around you, it’s time to try something different. Begin somewhere and transform your life so you may be proud of who you become.
I recommend starting with the Chi Chi’s 5-day retreat, which will cover all of the above to get you started. If you aren’t ready for that, start with one or two therapies at a time, such as TRE and oxygen therapy, and ask Debi or her highly competent and well-trained staff to guide you to your next step in holistic healing. Also, contact a counsellor, coach, or therapist to assist you with your healing process.
Your outer world is a reflection of your inner world. So stand up and change it, because nobody else will do it for you.
At Chichis, we help you find that balance—physically, mentally, emotionally, energetically, spiritually.
For accountability: This article was written by Johanita Jordaan in July 2024.